Please Follow Directions!

Some funny instructions written on packaging: 

On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."

Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

And my absolute favourite
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."